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Flo’s in town

PMS, the unexpected, symptoms, pain relief, remedies

Periods… First and foremost WHY!? Why must we go through the same vicious cycle every 28ish days? Those average 3-5 days of hell where you feel the need to always stay close to a restroom because there’s a constant murder scene in your underpants. Or when the damn thing comes when you least expect it, like during a business meeting or while your driving somewhere other than your home, or how about simply waking up thinking you pissed your pants. Yup, the struggle is so real ladies. Now let’s not forget PMSing. Every month brings us a different symptom, lol. Breasts so tender that when your significant other is in the mood, they just so happen to go straight to them both, or lower back pain so annoying that you’re unhappy in any position you try and get comfortable in. What about that random muffin top you get because of bloating and possible constipation? I mean come on! My favorite part is when you start doing the happy dance thinking your period happens to be finito, yet when you least expect it comes back. Oh, how I love periods.

Does anyone remember their first period? How old you were, where you were, how your mom reacted, and just how you felt throughout that first cycle?

Well, let me enlighten ya a little. I started late in the game. It wasn’t until I hit the age of 14 and had barely graduated from Buena Park Jr High. In all honesty, I had always wondered why I hadn’t gotten my period yet. Especially since my mom had always told me stories of how old she and her sisters were when they became “young ladies”. I mean my mom started around 8! Holy hell! She talked about how quickly her breasts grew in and how she saw all these body changes. Oh but not me. On a regular summer day, I was hanging out in the living watching TV with my brothers. I had a sudden urge to pee, so I obviously ran to the restroom to empty out my bladder. But this wasn’t a normal trip to the restroom. This was the day I thought I was dying! I freaked the hell out. And it wasn’t like I was able to yell out for my mom because it was during her work hours. I also didn’t have any sisters who’d be able to tell me what the hell was going on. So, I did the best with what I had and quickly got on the phone to get ahold of my mom. This is how my conversation went…

Phone rings:

Mom: “O**** Protective Services, how can I help you?”

Me: Mom! Guess what!?

Mom: “You got your period!?”

Me: “What the… How’d you know?”

Mom: “Whaaaaaat! Really!? Dios miooooo, mi hija ya es una mujer!”

Translation: “Whaaaaaat! Really!? Omg, my daughter is now a woman!”

Me: “Mom stop. I…”

Mom: “Mami, let me call you right back.”

Me: “Um…OK.”

An hour passes and I’m here wondering what the hell to do. I was super naive to it all. It’s not like I was able to get on the computer we didn’t have and google “what to do when you start your period”. And if I mentioned it to my brothers, they’d take it upon themselves to let the jokes begin. They were assholes! LOL. As I’m trying to play it cool in front of my brothers, My mom calls back.

Me: “Hello…”

Mom: “Mami, I had to hang up with you to try and get ahold of gramma. She wasn’t home but I was able to get ahold of grandpa. I had to tell him that my one and only daughter became a woman today!”

Me: “Mom you didn’t have to do that. How embarrassing mom. Grandpa!? Really!? I’ve never even met the guy.”

I really wanted to say, “WTF mom! Was it that serious? You literally hung up with me to be a busybody, instead of telling me what to do to stop from bleeding out!” If I had actually said this, I would’ve been bleeding from another part of my body too. As I’m still not mentioning the whole period thing to my brothers, my mom comes storming in with some huge pads. Pads that probably would’ve helped soak up water during the great flood. Yet no rainbow in sight after. I mean these pads were about 3 ½ inches wide and like 22 inches long!!! Oh, man did I not hear the end of it from my brothers. Mind you, I was a huge tomboy. I wore their hand me downs more than the crap dresses my mom wanted me to wear. I’d go out and play any sport they had taught me and would be one of the firsts to be picked. I mean, I was pretty badass. But once I got my period they basically thought I was a huge sissy. The good thing is they also were the reason for me not taking what they said too seriously. Even after this horrible first period experience, I kicked butt on the field and in anything that they introduced me to. For about a year the darn thing lasted 8-11 days. I thought I’d never see the end of my cycles. But luckily after starting the high school softball team, I started noticing it would lighten up quicker.

This was my fun experience. What was yours like? And what have you done, as far as remedies to help alleviate the pain?

TIP: If you can’t find your heating pad, Grab a hand towel and soak it in water. Squeeze out as much of the water as possible and grab a huge Ziplock bag. Place the towel inside and while the bag is open, pop it into the microwave for about a minute, minute and a half. This was something that helped even at work too.

Ladies, know that we feel your pain BUT the best thing to do during this monthly struggle is stop by See’s candy, buy a whole box of your fave chocolates, head home, put on a Netflix movie and gorge.




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